I think a lot about despair. I also think about heartbreak as a tool for change. This is not a morbid obsession yet a curious one. In a society that wants to perpetuate false ideas of happiness and security, oftentimes I see myself and my peers and our children and our parents trying as hard as we all can to avoid that despair. My heart aches for the pain and suffering that I witness, not only in my community but also globally. It is so easy to numb in the face of all of it yet the very thing I need to do is be awake in it. I understand despair and heartbreak to be necessary experiences that are often bypassed in our perfectly marketed and colonized world. We are all so collectively exhausted from the charade.
I have seen in my own life how despair and my heartbreak for the world has been the catalyst for me taking action towards my own healing. My personal journey has led me to work towards serving others and help give meaning and hope in the face of suffering.
Heartbreak has always been a necessary initiation to deeper realms of spirit. Rumi wrote “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.” This heartbreak can be an incredibly wise guide if we allow ourselves to lean into it. There have been many times in my life where my heart broke and I didn’t want to look. Yet I have found from facing my own heartbreak, my own shadows, my own despair that I have been able to transcend past them to much deeper realms. These deeper realms have the ability to connect us to the much larger web that we are so intricately connected to.
As a child, I was very emotional and simultaneously confused about why people talked so much about arbitrary things. I never witnessed discussions about the depths of our souls and was craving to hear them. I remember my dad always saying “It’s all good” but never really being able to listen to what my heart had to say. I now know this is not for his lack of care for me but rather he was never taught the language of the heart. This lack is something so many of us are grieving. As a young girl, I had a deep desire to have somebody, anybody witness my pain and my truth and all the other beautiful things that mattered. I wanted to feel connected to a wider circle of wisdom. I remember discovering William Blake and Gurdjieff in the library as a kid and wanted to know more about mysticism and spirituality. I wanted to have a place to process my despair. I searched and searched for anyone that could have these conversations with me. I found myself desperate on many therapist couches starting at the tender age of 15. All of these healers helped shape who I am today. Some helped me with their skills and love and others taught me to deeply understand the impact of harmful healers. There were those who helped me trust my intuition and develop a deep knowing of what not to do, how to not cause more harm.
While I love psychotherapy and believe in it greatly, I also find it silly that we need to go behind closed doors to share heartbreak to often then present a more protected and refined persona to the outside world. We are so beautifully connected in our despair and heartache. I am curious what community based healing can look like if we allow our wounds to be shared. I’m not suggesting that we all talk about doom and gloom and sadness and despair all day long but rather what if we allowed a space for it? So much of our world is based on exiling these parts of ourselves and I want to live in a world of wholeness where it all is allowed to exist together. I want to live in a culture of authenticity and truth.
There is no question that this world needs more healing and deep healing at that. I believe that this is a time for each of us to honor our innate and unique gifts to help bring forth a more compassionate world. I meet with so many people that feel alone in their suffering yet I see such similarities in the stories I hear. We are all experiencing so much at this time. This can help create beautiful compost for collective healing. Utilizing our individual suffering to serve the greater good is a living prayer. It is a nod towards hope and liberation. It can help move along a much needed and anticipated evolution of consciousness.
I often lead with the darkness and disconnection and suffering in my story. I have been getting curious about this inclination. This is not to be a martyr or a victim. I have worked diligently to face these shadow archetypes within me. This is an invitation for others to let go of the shame associated with the shadows. In conversation with wise counsel, I recently discovered that the real purpose of this is for me to name the edges; which have initiated me into the middle way. By understanding the boundaries of my shame and shadows, I can better understand how to be in a non dualistic space in the middle. I see how my life can be lived with expansiveness and awareness, leading to deep joy and pleasure. This joy is not despite the suffering but because of it. The despair has allowed my heart to open like a portal to a deeper and more meaningful world. It has shown me who I love and fear losing in this world. That heartbreak of knowing deep love is an absolute gift. In some ways this is my response to the false idea of “it's all good.” There are many spiritual teachers promising love and light and avoiding the deep work it takes to be whole. This spiritual bypassing is a deep part of our quick fix culture that wishes to avoid the real terrors of this world. Part of me holding space and offering deep active listening is my service to the unhealed parts within myself. I believe we are all healing together. My own experiences have shown me the importance of creating spaces where people feel like they belong and can be heard and understood. These are spaces that have been hard for me to find and creating them has offered healing to parts of my hurting heart.
I have seen some very powerful and beautiful humans giving hope to others through their own stories of heartbreak, survival and resilience. These stories have been the fuel to help others. It is a way to teach the things our hearts need to hear in order to heal.
What if you allowed your pain to be a portal to your own evolution and as a tool to alleviate suffering of your fellow humans? What if honoring your personal suffering could open you up to a deeper world of connection?
If you are feeling exhausted or defeated, I wonder if you would be willing to have the courage to really work towards wholeness in your healing? This journey towards wholeness and healing has the potential to show you your purpose and inspire others to heal. It has the potential to connect you to the greater web of life that sustains us all. Imagine how honoring your truth, making aligned choices and healing wounds could impact those around you.
